Plan B

Today was our first official day back at preschool. I had great plans of getting up early, fixing something for breakfast, getting dinner in the crockpot, and getting things together before I got the kids up. I was kinda excited...until the alarm went off at 6 this morning. My stomach was churning, my back was cramping, my head hurt. So I stayed in bed. Needless to say, I was a little late this morning. Better on a workday than the first day right? The kids didn't want to get up either! But, we made it!

I teach the four and five year olds. We are really trying to get the kids ready for Kindergarten and make the curriculum match the state guidelines for PreK, so the director had scheduled a meeting for us all to talk over a few things this morning. What do I do...start crying! I think it is just the combination of not feeling good and running late...forgetting stuff that I needed at home. It seems to only happen once a week now, so that's getting better! I just feel so helpless with this all. I hate that at any moment I could just start crying. I am so blessed to work with wonderful Christian women who care so much about me. I recovered and got some work done. But I am down today.

I know that I will have days like this. But I have so much to do and a small window of naptime to get them done!

I have been inspired by the Smith family. Todd Smith is a member of the group Selah. He and his wife lost their baby Audrey Caroline last year. They have a new song out called I Will Carry You. Makes me cry everytime I hear it. Their church has put together a Plan B series and on the videos they tell their story. Look for it on youtube, there are three parts to it. Anyway, I watched those today and while it made me cry even more, it did give me hope and inspiration. While I won't have millions of people reading my blog, like the Smiths, I do hope that I can tell our story and bring glory to God in honor of Ethan. I pray that one day our story will bring peace and comfort to someone else going through something similiar. Angie says on the video that God doesn't have a plan b. God knows what he is doing. I am just waiting on God to show me what to do with this and how this could be better than having my baby in my arms.
Every morning I pray that God will guide me through the day. I am waiting expectantly for God to show me what to do next, how to make sure we never forget Ethan's life and the things we have learned because of it.

Psalm 5 :1-3

O Lord, hear me as I pray; pay attention to my groaning. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for I pray to no one but you. Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.