Friday, April 30, 2010

Five Question Friday

So, to make this blog not quite so depressing all the time I am joining the bandwagon...Thanks Kristina for getting me hooked on the questions from Mama M.  I will try hard to keep up with them every Friday!

So here they are:
1. If you could, would you go back to high school?
2. If a genie appeared and granted you two wishes, what would they be? (And, no saying "more wishes".)
3. What kids show do you secretly like?
4. What is your beverage of choice?
5. What is something that you would change about yourself (or are working to change in yourself)?

1.  No, I would not go back to highschool.  Too much drama and bad choices that carried on for several probably guessed right.  It was a stupid boy!  I don't want to go back and change it because I am who I am today because of it, but I really don't want to have to go through it all again!

2.  Oh, genie.  How much time do you have?  My first wish would be for me and all my infertile friends to become fertile.  I would wish for all of us to be able to have precious babies normally without spending a fortune!
My second wish would be for financial peace and security.  It seems those worries never go away no matter how hard we work at it.  So my wish would be that we could have a fully funded emergency fund...thank you Dave Ramsey, and that we would be completely out of mortgage, school loans, NOTHING!

3.  I can definitely tell you what kids show I am sick and tired of watching!  I have seen enough Calliou and Berenstein Bears for quite a while now!  I guess I don't mind any of the disney movies and I'm really looking forward to Toy Story 3 this summer.  As far as TV shows though, there's not one that just grabs me.  Maybe when the kids get older and watch something other than Sprout I will find something I like!

4.  I wish I could tell you I choose water because it is healthy and I want to make sure I am getting my eight glasses a day, but that wouldn't be the truth.  I am completely and utterly addicted to Coke.  I have really been trying hard to cut back and think I have done pretty good and I am drinking Diet Coke some too, which I know is just as bad, but at least it doesn't have all the sugar and calories of the real stuff!

5. Wow, to sit down and think of one thing is hard!  I truly want to change my eating habits.  I am as noted in question 4 a coke-aholic!  I really want to make some better choices with nutrition for me and my family.  I need to lose weight.  But I can't seem to be motivated enough to do it.  So I am working on changing that part of me and I am struggling.  Food is just too good to pass up!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Feeling Blah

I hate that most of what I post here is me feeling sorry for myself, but I guess that is why I do it. So I can get my feelings out and work through them.  Today I am sad, and I really don't know what started it.  There have been lots of little things lately that remind me this time last year I was pregnant.  The day we got the blood test back.  The first sonogram when we found out we had one baby.  The fact that I didn't have summer clothes because most of last summer I was in maternity clothes. Which also reminds me of how much weight I have gained since losing Ethan.  When I start feeling sad and feeling sorry for myself because I want something I can't have, I go to Sonic.  There is something about a large Coke from Sonic that makes things better.  But, it also adds inches to my waist.  I think I am just frustrated at my lack of motivation to make a change.  I have really been trying to get to the gym 3 times a week.  I have only been once this week.  I want to get up early and get stuff done before the kids wake up, but instead I push the snooze button and wake up when they wake up.  I would love for my house to stay picked up and look presentable, but I just can't seem to keep up with it.  I will be the first to admit that I am lazy.  I choose to do other watch a movie when the kids are napping instead of getting the laundry or cleaning done.  All the clutter and mess in our house makes me feel out of control.  I am a bit overwhelmed with it all because I am trying to balance being a good mom and playing with the kids and getting the things I need to do done during the day on top of being a preschool teacher and having stuff to do for that as well.
I'm sure this is something that all mom's deal with, but I sure wish I could get it under control.  
The devotional email I got today was titled When God Hurts Your Feelings.  This was the scripture that went with it..."I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV)
Why is it so hard to just be content?  Why do I have to keep asking God why?  Why did Ethan have to die?  Why can't I get pregnant again?  Why does it seem everyone else can?  All the whys that flood my mind and cause me pain.  In the email the author says instead of asking why ask "Now that is my reality what am I supposed to do with it?"   I guess I am still trying to figure out what to do with this reality.  I am not ready to give up on having more kids.  But we don't have the money to do more fertility treatments or adopt.  I think I need to learn how to handle the clutter and junk in my life before I will find the answer.  I just wish I knew how to do that.

So today I am blah, I NEED to clean up the clutter and junk-literally and the junk in my head that keeps coming back to make me question- but I just lack the motivation. 

I am praying to find some motivation to be a better manager of my house and my life.  I want to have control of the clutter and mess because if I don't it controls me and I don't like how that is working.  I am praying to make better choices with what I eat so that I can lose this weight and feel better about myself.  It is an ongoing struggle and would love your prayers too!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Prayers for Judy

As many of you know I teach a Pre-K class at our church preschool.  I have a little girl in my class who's mother is fighting her fourth round of cancer.  She is very discouraged and has lost all hope in God.  Please join me in praying for Judy and her family.  While I am praying for her healing, I am praying more for her relationship with God and the impact that the lack of one will have on her daughter.

You can visit her carepage here.