Sunday, May 16, 2010

God is calling

The last few weeks have been full of ups and downs for me.  I have felt God tugging at my heart in ways I think I have been ignoring for a while.  Since losing Ethan the desire of my heart has been to not give up and to pursue other ways of adding to our family.  I have been thinking of adoption a lot lately.  It is something Tim and I have talked a lot about, but have not really made any decisions.  I am struggling with what is best for our family.  There are so many questions to answer when you start thinking about adoption.  Our biggest hurdle is the financing.  Adoption is expensive.  I really think if there wasn't the money issue we would have already made the next step regarding adoption.  So, with all that said.  I really feel God telling me to let go.  As hard as that is and as much as I want to have another baby, I am beginning to see that maybe that is not what is best for our family.  I saw something on an infertility site that really struck me.  It said "focusing on what you don't have makes you forget everything that you do."  I must admit that I have at times focused on the fact that I can't get pregnant or that I don't have baby and have lost sight of the what I do have.  A wonderful husband and two beautiful children.   A circle of friends and family who love me and want to help in anyway they can. 
I am asking that you pray for me and finding peace with whatever God is calling me to do.  I would love for God to open some doors regarding adoption and the financing of it all.  I am just praying that I can be open to what God is trying to tell me and that I won't let my desires get in the way.