The last few weeks have been full of ups and downs for me. I have felt God tugging at my heart in ways I think I have been ignoring for a while. Since losing Ethan the desire of my heart has been to not give up and to pursue other ways of adding to our family. I have been thinking of adoption a lot lately. It is something Tim and I have talked a lot about, but have not really made any decisions. I am struggling with what is best for our family. There are so many questions to answer when you start thinking about adoption. Our biggest hurdle is the financing. Adoption is expensive. I really think if there wasn't the money issue we would have already made the next step regarding adoption. So, with all that said. I really feel God telling me to let go. As hard as that is and as much as I want to have another baby, I am beginning to see that maybe that is not what is best for our family. I saw something on an infertility site that really struck me. It said "focusing on what you don't have makes you forget everything that you do." I must admit that I have at times focused on the fact that I can't get pregnant or that I don't have baby and have lost sight of the what I do have. A wonderful husband and two beautiful children. A circle of friends and family who love me and want to help in anyway they can.
I am asking that you pray for me and finding peace with whatever God is calling me to do. I would love for God to open some doors regarding adoption and the financing of it all. I am just praying that I can be open to what God is trying to tell me and that I won't let my desires get in the way.