Just one of those days

Today is just one of those days where you just want to go back to bed and have a do-over. I had an appointment with Dr. Putman today at 9:45. I get there and they say something happened and I didn’t show up on the schedule and he went for an emergency surgery. So, instead of getting to leave and drive to my parents house, I get to go home finish packing and loading the car, get the kids lunch and go back to the doctor with Glade and Addison. I have to admit the kids were really good, considering we got there at 1:15 and didn’t see Dr. Putman until almost 3. This is their nap time, so they were really tired. I was running out of things to do with them. We sang all the songs we know several times, played simon says and I blew up several rubber gloves. Finally Dr. Putman made it in. He said the lining of my uterus looks good, but there is some tissue or a blood clot in the uterus. I am on medicine to start a period…(sorry to talk about such girly stuff, but I have to write about it, it makes me feel better) The prayer is that the tissue or clot will come out with the period. Once the medicine does it’s job (I am praying it DOES the job because in the past this hasn’t worked for me) Dr. Putman will take another look. If it’s gone, HALLELUJAH, thaw out those embryos! If the tissue is still there he will do a different kind of sonogram and add saline into the uterus. From there he will determine if surgery is needed to remove it. I am praying hard that it just goes away on it’s own. I left the office very discouraged today. I was hoping that I would leave with a calendar in hand of what dates to start what meds for our next transfer. Instead I am being told to wait. Again! So, I get out to the elevator, call Tim and tell him the news. I had to let 3 elevators go without getting on them because they were so full I couldn’t fit with the double stroller. I’m sure everyone thought I was crazy. Here I was with the stroller, the kids, the diaper bag, talking on the phone with tears streaming down my face. It’s not that the news is devastating, or that we can’t ever get pregnant again, it’s just not what I wanted. I wanted him to say that everything looked perfect and we are good to go. But that is my time. God has a different plan and whether that plan is just to wait another couple of week or a couple of months, I know it is the best thing for me. As much as I don’t like it… See, in my head I want to be growing babies by December. I want to know that I will be close to holding another little Schreiner when really I should be holding one then. Not that it will make this hurt any less, or make me not cry over what we have lost. I just want to know I will have another child. (or two)
So driving down the road, crying because it didn’t go the way I wanted, God and I had time to chat. I was able to vent my frustrations that things just aren’t going the way I wanted them too. For those of you who have read any Karen Kingsbury books, you know that the characters always have scriptures that just come to them when they are struggling. Well, I could be a character in her book today. As I was crying, asking God to give me a break. Show me something, let something go right…the scripture Romans 8:28 came to mind. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. That one just came to mind. So through it all, I know it will turn out okay. I know God is taking care of us and he will answer our prayers for more children. So for whatever reason, God felt I needed a lesson on patience today.