Sunday Sadness

It seems to be a pattern in my weeks. Sunday just makes me think about Ethan more. It's the songs we sing, the scriptures that are read and all the people who say they are thinking about us. It just makes me sad. Sad that this is something we have to go through. While all of those things give me hope and comfort, they also make me sad. I have to say I am doing better. I did wear mascara to church today! The last song in worship today was I Need You More. Here are the words:
I need You more
More than yesterday
I need You Lord
More than words can say
I need You more
Than ever before
I need You Lord
I need You Lord
More than the air I breathe
More than the song I sing
More than the next heartbeat
More than anything
And Lord as time goes by
I'll be by Your side
Cause I never want to go back
To my old life

Just listening to everyone sing this song made me tear up. I couldn't finish singing, because that's exactly how I feel right now. I need the Lord more than I ever have before. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with grief and pain that it's hard to breathe. Sometimes I don't even have words, just tears. Thankfully I know that God knows what I need and what I feel and He is there comforting me.
So, here's to hoping the Sunday Sadness won't last forever.
I have a busy week planned. Playdates, Dr. Appointments, and a trip to my parents house will definitely keep me busy. I have found that if I keep busy during the day I don't get too sad. I still have my moments though. Like at 12:30 Friday night, I just started crying. Sobbing really. I have to say this past week has been a hard one. I don't really know why, I have been doing the same things I have in the other weeks since Ethan's death. Maybe because it's been a month today?
Pray for me this week. Tim and I will be apart for most of the week and I find such strength and comfort from him. He's there to give me hugs when he can tell that I am having a hard day. He holds me at night when I am crying. I feel such comfort when he is here or when I can call him at work when I am having a sad day. He will be traveling for work. So pray for his safety and for me to not totally lose it while he is gone! I also go back to the Fertility Dr. this week. I am praying for things to look good so we can begin the process. I will also be traveling to my parents house on Wednesday, so I am praying for happy kids on the ride there since I will be by myself!