Dr. Appt yesterday

I didn't have much time to update yesterday.  We are getting wood floor installed in our house and I was pretty busy trying to entertain the kids without going downstairs.  It's been interesting.

I went yesterday and had the IUD removed. There is a picture of it to the left. (Not mine, just a sample!)  It is one of the only times I have gotten in to see Dr. Putman early.  My appointment was at 9:30 and I was getting my car from the valet at 9:35.  It was not a big deal, hurt for like 2 seconds and that was all.  I will go back in the next couple of weeks so he can do another sonohyst and check the uterus to make sure it looks perfect.  If everything looks good I am estimating the embryo transfer to be the end of November or the beginning of December.

 This is not at all what I hoped for, but I am trusting that God knows exactly what we need.  My hope was to be pregnant again by now.  I wanted to be well into the first trimester when Ethans due date came.  No matter what,  I know that time will be really sad for me.  I have been having a hard time lately.  It seems that everywhere I go there is a reminder that I am not pregnant.  There's pregnant women everywhere!  At least it seems that way to me.  I would have been 31 weeks today I think.  I would have been feeling Ethan move around inside me.  Tim and the kids would have been able to feel him too.
I have several blogs that I read of others who have lost a baby.  Sometimes I feel like I am not as strong as they are.  These women seem to have such a strong faith.  But I have to remember that it's been longer for them.  I still find myself being sucked in by fear and doubt.  When really, getting pregnant for me is not as unknown as it for others.  I know the process I have to go through.  I don't have to go month after month with nothing.  I am pretty confident in my bodies ability to grow the little embryos.  It's getting those embryos there that keeps me up at night these days.  I am worried...sometimes worried sick, that the little embryos won't survive the thawing process.  But then I remind myself that God is taking care of it all.  He will do what is best.  And then comes the question What if it His plan doesn't include more children?  UGH!  It's a viscous cycle!
Ultimately I am praying God will do what is best for our family!  Boldly I am praying He will bless us with more children!