Thursday, October 7, 2010

Inspired and disappointed with myself...

First I have to say that the Selah concert was SO good.  I cried, like a baby!  Todd Smith shared his story of losing their daughter Audrey just after her birth.  He then had all of us in the audience who had lost a child to stand.  It's amazing to me how many women have lost a child that you didn't know.  I remember thinking last year how long will I be "Leah the one who's baby died."  Now, I long to have people remember my baby.  I constantly want to do things to show that Ethan was here if only inside me for a short 18 weeks.  I struggle with the fact that our loss was so much earlier in the pregnancy than most of the others I hear about.  Ethan was not full term.  We don't have pictures of a baby.  I have small memories of what his feet looked like and the shape of his head...but that's about it.   It's not that I want recognition...I want people to remember my baby, to know that he will ALWAYS be part of our family.   There are so many families who have been through the loss of a child that have done so much in honor of their child.  I think of the Smith's from Selah.  I found another blog last week and then had a friend email me the same blog today.  I am AMAZED at what they have done in their son's name.  Check it out here.   The Jacobs family has done some amazing things for others.  Reading things like this make me feel like a horrible mom to Ethan.  I have used this blog to vent MY frustration and put MY grief into words.  What have I done to honor Ethan? 
So here is my challenge to you...the few who are still reading...
Do something for someone else in honor of Ethan and make a comment to let me know what you have done.  I hope to be adding some things that I have done to honor my baby by blessing others.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Leah. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain of not having your sweet boy with you...and I'm so glad you were there to hear Selah too, to have those precious songs sung for us who have lost our little ones. It was such a sweet night.

    It is hard to read that there has been anything on my blog that has made you feel like a bad mommy to Ethan. PLEASE don't let the enemy tell you that. You are a wonderful mommy and you HAVE honored your son's life in so many ways. God has a plan for you in His perfect timing...a perfect way to keep Ethan's memory alive, a perfect way to heal and grow from this loss, and a perfect way for you to glorify the Lord. Wait on Him and He will reveal it to you. I will pray that He does. In the meantime, thank you for your honesty, for grieving so that others can be a part of it with you, and for reaching out to me. I hope we get to meet at some point!!