Saturday, January 2, 2010

Questions

I have lots of questions lately. It's funny to me how confident I can be sometimes and then just a few minutes later be filled with doubt. I am struggling to understand all that has happened in the last 6 months. I know that I may never have a full undertstanding. I know that God can do more than I could ever dream or imagine, but why couldn't that be to have a healthy pregnancy? Why did this not work for us? Why is God allowing so many others to have more children? I may never have any answers, but it sure would be nice for God to give me a little of His reasoning.
When I start feeling this way I can feel the panic rise and the urge to fix it comes. If I had my way I would be filling out adoption paperwork to get started with the adoption process. Unfortunately we don't have the money for adoption right now. We have to pay the bills for the fertility treatments we did this year.
I am praying that God will help us quickly pay off the debt so we can start saving and begin the process of adoption. I am praying that God will allow us to be a family for a sweet baby in need. I am praying that I can wait on God and listen for His direction.
My sister gave me a bible study about starting a Grand New Day. It is a study of Joy. I think it will really help me. The first lesson was all about listening for your wake up call from God. I think He has given me serveral wake up calls and I just pressed the snooze button. I liked how things were going. Well, I am awake now! Ready to see what Grand New Day God has in store...

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