Can't believe I haven't posted in so long!

I realize it has been a long time since I posted on this blog.  I guess that is kind of a good thing.  Mostly when I post on here I am feeling sad about losing Ethan or sad about not being pregnant...while I still have my moments they are not as frequent. 
I have finally been able to find peace with where I am and what my family is.  I love my kids and I am enjoying them everyday.  They make me laugh and cry, they make me happy and sad and frustrated...as most kids do I am sure.  I can't imagine missing out on so much of their growing up.  While I wish with all my heart we had Ethan with us, I wouldn't trade this time with them for anything! 
I still long for more children, but the more I talk with other moms who don't have fertility trouble, they long for more too.  I think that is just part of being a woman.  I still have the sinking feeling and inner turmoil with every "announcement" I hear of.  I still wish I could be the one for once to have an "announcement"   But, I try not to dwell on it and I just look at the two wonderful kids I have and I am reminded of how much God truly has blessed me with.  I saw this posted on a friends' facebook status and just thought I would share...

God has a perfect plan for your life. No matter what’s happened in your past, God’s plan for your good remains. Get your vision in line with God’s Word, and the best is yet to come! “For God’s gifts and His call can never be withdrawn” Romans 11:29

I am so glad that God has a plan and that He is helping me through such a trying time in life!  I can't believe that almost two years has gone by.  I am amazed at how far I have come!  Truly God has carried me through the darkest time in my life.

Being Content

I have been having a hard time with some things lately.  I love the age that Glade and Addison are at. They are so funny and most of the time so much fun.  Like all kids, we have our moments together when nap time or bed time just can't come soon enough.  So most of the time I feel content with my family just like it is.  But lately I have been having a "feeling".  I know God is trying to tell me something, but I don't think I am listening right or maybe I just don't want to truly hear what he is saying.  I know I have posted many times about wanting to have more kids and more than likely adopt.  Lately I just get a feeling that maybe God doesn't want that to happen.  I SO don't want to hear that right now.  I don't want to be done.  But I also don't want to go broke...well more broke than we already are.  Tim gets so stressed about money and the fact that we have none, to add another person to the family would just cost more.  Not to mention the cost of getting to the point of adding another member to our family... either adopting or doing more fertility stuff. 
This is one of the many times when I wish God would just sit me down with the "storybook" of my life and let skip a few chapters to see what is coming and then I could go back to this chapter and be okay with things.  Do you understand what I am saying?  How sometimes you have to read the end of the book to see the outcome and then you can read the whole thing.

Here are some scriptures I will be focusing on to help me trust that God is working and doing more than I can know.

18 But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not “Yes” and “No.” 19 For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by me and Silas and Timothy, was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.” 20 For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. 21 Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
II Corinthians 1:18-22

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:22-23

Weight Watchers

Well, I finally decided to get serious about losing weight.  So I asked for a Weight Watchers membership for my birthday.  I have been going the past two weeks and after the first week I lost 2.2 pounds.  I am excited to see the numbers going down.